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February 04 2017

Michael Fallon Vows To Crush Russia Like An Empty Coke Can

Micahel Fallon has vowed that Russia will be be stomped to destruction. When asked how he would handle diplomatic channels over military matters with Russia, he said "I'm going to nuke those bastards so hard Russia won't be able to support any life, from single celled protozoa and anything upwards."

"Putin is, frankly, a bitch. If I ever see him in person I am going to knock his fucking teeth out."

Other government departments hastened to clarify that Fallon was speaking metaphorically but Fallon himself when requested to elaborate said "I mean it. I'm not speaking in anything but the literal sense. I will make Hiroshima look like an indoor firework."