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February 06 2017

UK Government Reveals Curbing Immigration Impossible Because Fuck You That's Why

Conservative MP Stephen Crabb has written in a piece for the Independent that anyone who voted Leave should get any ideas of lowering immigration out of their minds right now, because "Fuck you, that's why."

Speaking to The Guardian Crabb said "I and every minister know that the main reason the Referendum went the way it did was because of people's completely legitimate concerns over immigration. We didn't expect there to be so many racist plebs and so obviously didn't draw up a plan for this eventuality. Because of this we've decided to ignore the vote. Well, we'll say we're leaving the EU but make no mistake - immigration won't be stopping. If anything we're going to be ramping it up as a punishment."

When reminded that this stance could cost him votes at the next election, he was decidely unimpressed.

"I have shares in companies that rely on cheap Polish Labour. They do the jobs that British people won't do. Mainly because they only pay 20p an hour, which apparently is too low for these hoity toity types."

"I know we need to change hearts and minds on the subject of immigration so I've decided to reach out to the community and invite all Leave voters to attend my public meeting tomorrow where I can personally tell each and every one of them to go fuck themselves. "

"I'll be raising both middle fingers at them as well, and having my butler do the same. This is the last time we let the public vote on anything. I think we're going to do away with any type of election in the future as well. The people just can't be trusted."