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February 08 2017

Peter Hitchens Still An Insufferable Defeatist Bore

Peter Hitchens in a recent interview has reaffirmed he is one of the most irritating, defeatist cunts ever seen in political commentary. Speaking to our reporter today he said "The real reason that Brexit won't happen is because too many people are on drugs, and thus don't deserve it."

"Also England is doomed. Doomed I tell you!" at this point he grabbed our reporter's lapels, pulled their face very close to his and yelled even louder. "DOOMED!"

Some speculate that the reason for his constant misery is him being a government psy-op to make sure nobody gets too happy, and to cast doubts on any form of political change. Famously, he said Brexit would never achieve the Leave vote, telling people on the Leave side "Why even bother voting? England is done for. We would be better spending the money spent on the Leave campaign on sending every Leave voter a noose to string themselves up".

"The only reason I haven't committed suicide myself is because of my raison detre, which is to make everyone else miserable enough to do so."