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February 11 2017

As German Election Draws Near, Voters Would Rather Choose Death Than Either Of The Main Candidates.

The two frontrunners in the upcoming German election (Angela Merkel and Martin Schulz) pollsters say are as appealing as leprosy to the general public. Our German correspondent spoke to some of them to get their opinion.

"I don't know what Merkel's problem is" said one man, who wished to remain anonymous. "She seems to hate Germany and be intent on destroying it via shifting the demographics here to completely dilute the indigenous people. For five minutes during her campaign she said she considered stopping the flow of hundreds of thousands of refugees into the country, but then a leaked reporting suggests she's just joking and wants to import even more. Great candidate."

"And then on the other side we have Martin Schulz. He used to be head of the European Union, which is an organisation that operates as a sort of Super-Merkel. Whereas Merkel only wants to destroy Germany, the EU wants to destroy Europe. So he's not really much of alternative."

Asking a woman her thoughts on it she said "Oh why even bother. Why bother not just voting, but answering this question."

"This election is like being given the choice of the colour of the car that runs you over."