Latest News, Rumours, And Outright Lies.

February 14 2017

John Bercow Confirms Anyone Who Disagrees With Him Over Trump Visit Impartiality Can Fuck Themselves

Speaker of the House John Bercow gave an exclusive interview to The Daily Online to address the current furore over his statements regarding Donald Trump's upcoming state visit. Asked whether he thought he should have remained silent on the matter, he was firm in his convictions.

"The people who ask me to remain impartial all disagree with me, so they are by definition wrong. I'm called the RIGHT honourable member, so I must be right."

"Trump, a direct descendant of Adolf Hitler, must not be allowed to speak in the House of Commons. Some might say this isn't for me to decide. They all probably voted Leave in the Brexit Referendum though so I can safely ignore their views. The rest of parliament have been doing so up to now."

"Imagine the horror if this demagogue were allowed to take the floor and address us. It would trigger all kinds of bad feelings, mainly in me, but also in many other people. We are dead set against triggering anything. Especially Article 50."

When pressed to specify exactly why Trump should not be allowed to speak, he expanded on the many valid reasons.

"Trump has said that all people who are not pure blooded Aryans must be gassed. He has unilaterally condemned all women as inferior, and I really don't like his haircut. I doubt anyone wants to hear him speak anyway, all we ever hear in the media is how unpopular he is and we all know that investigative journalism is in its golden age."

Our reporter asked why if he was so unpopular, he had managed to get elected and Bercow made references to "Russian hackers" and "uneducated people who live in the rural areas of America. They contribute nothing to the country anyway - when was the last time you heard of a great piece of theatre or a designer clothing brand coming from the flyover states. I bet they've never even signed a petition campaigning for the rights of disabled lesbian rapists."

"What do they produce out there? Food? Well we don't even need that, there's plenty in the shops. Hopefully a great unifying figure rises up with a message of hope and progressiveness, peace and love, and kills them all."