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February 15 2017

Women Confirm That Valentine's Day An Excuse To Have Another Birthday

Women have today confirmed that Valentine's day is just an excuse to have a kind of semi-birthday where they are given more attention.

"It's great really," said one anonymous woman that spoke to our reporter "we get to pretend this is about both us and our boyfriend/husband. The reality is that almost 100% of men care very, very little about it but they can't say that because then we'd cry."

Speaking to one beleaguered man about this he agreed. "Listen, I love my wife more than anything in the world. But I would be quite happy if Valentine's day was abolished for all time. It means that not only do I have to buy her presents, they also have to be romantically themed. Sure, we get presents too, but again they are supposed to be romantically themed. I know that in recent years there's been an attempt to get a similar day for men called "Steak and blowjob day" accepted but nobody gives a shit, nobody remembers."

Another woman we spoke to said "The main reason we force our men to do this is so that we can lord it over our single friends. Seeing them on facebook posting about how happy they are being single, being strong and independent, all that guff - we know they are really crying into a pint of ice cream in their pajamas while whenever they see the pictures we upload of roses and chocolates. "

All the women say they are secretly angling for another day dedicated to themselves as well, they just haven't decided on it yet. "Probably call it "Women's Day" or "Sisterhood day" or something. Actually better go with the first idea because then we can somehow make men have to give us presents again. Sisterhood day would be pointless. All our single friends could join in. Yes, "Women's Day", where men give thanks for being born. Which is an excellent way of getting us another birthday".