October 23 2020
Multiple Peer Reviewed Scientific Studies Have Confirmed That Sleaford Mods Are Completely Shit
A five year study conducted by multiple laboratories has recently been published with absolutely conclusive results. Sleaford Mods are devoid of any redeeming musical features at all.
"We thought at first that they were a comedy band, which would have let them get away with it and slip them just above the "completely shit" tier." One of the scientists involved in the study reported. "After ascertaining that they are in fact deadly serious though, everyone agrees that from a completely objective and empirical viewpoint, they are truly awful."
"As you can see in the above photo, they spend most of their time walking around with one looking like he's straining to pass gas, and the other as though he's slowly pissing himself and enjoying the feeling of the warmth spreading. Which is exactly what their artistic output is like, an experience they enjoy but which traumatises any nearby listener who doesn't also have mental difficulties. Listening to someone impersonate Johnny Rotten in the style of a Spitting Image puppet over the top of what sounds like a Casio keyboard demo track looped is completely devoid of artistic merit."
"We're hoping now that there is actual scientific proof for this, that those poor souls who have pretended to like Sleaford Mods because their friends do to fit in can now breath a sigh of relief and stop the charade."
When asked for comment, Sleaford Mods backing track programmer Andrew Fearn said "Well, the thing is we're subverting the expectation that music has to be good, it's Dada in its purest form." Singer Jason Williamson commented "OOOOH BIG SCIEEENTIST! I'M GONNA COME ROUND YOUR HOUSE AND BATTER YA! BACARDI BREEZER! FUCK OFF, IVE GOT SPECIAL BREW!" which we are told translates to displeasure at the study.
"We thought at first that they were a comedy band, which would have let them get away with it and slip them just above the "completely shit" tier." One of the scientists involved in the study reported. "After ascertaining that they are in fact deadly serious though, everyone agrees that from a completely objective and empirical viewpoint, they are truly awful."
"As you can see in the above photo, they spend most of their time walking around with one looking like he's straining to pass gas, and the other as though he's slowly pissing himself and enjoying the feeling of the warmth spreading. Which is exactly what their artistic output is like, an experience they enjoy but which traumatises any nearby listener who doesn't also have mental difficulties. Listening to someone impersonate Johnny Rotten in the style of a Spitting Image puppet over the top of what sounds like a Casio keyboard demo track looped is completely devoid of artistic merit."
"We're hoping now that there is actual scientific proof for this, that those poor souls who have pretended to like Sleaford Mods because their friends do to fit in can now breath a sigh of relief and stop the charade."
When asked for comment, Sleaford Mods backing track programmer Andrew Fearn said "Well, the thing is we're subverting the expectation that music has to be good, it's Dada in its purest form." Singer Jason Williamson commented "OOOOH BIG SCIEEENTIST! I'M GONNA COME ROUND YOUR HOUSE AND BATTER YA! BACARDI BREEZER! FUCK OFF, IVE GOT SPECIAL BREW!" which we are told translates to displeasure at the study.
By The Thin Controller
