Shocking News As BBC Presenter Named As Not Being A Paedophile

The BBC has found itself embroiled in scandal once more, as it has emerged that a presenter working for them has been exposed as not being a paedophile. The rest of the organisation has swiftly condemned and disavowed the act of being attracted to people over the age of consent. A statement has been released by the head of the BBC Tim Davies saying how seriously the BBC take these allegations.

"A very careful vetting process is in place for all positions at the BBC, and normally someone hiding this kind of scandal doesn't slip through. We take extra special care to hire people who are, for example, public schoolboys who were raised on child buggery, or recruiting from Muslim rape gangs. I can assure you the BBC had no idea that this unnamed person had never buggered a child. Upon further vetting, they aren't even gay so that just shows you how some people can live a double life. The ladder to the top at the BBC is constructed of cocks, so this man lied to us all."

The BBC has vowed to take stricter action in the future. To be extra sure no one will be allowed on screen or radio at the BBC going forward unless they have been videotaped assaulting a child while Stephen Fry watches.